Working as a romance consultant one of the most common things I hear is “maybe when I have someone…” as an avoidance of opportunity, this line of thought is recurrent through so many situations, “I’ll be happier if I had someone to share this with,” not allowing themselves to be fully content in the present, then blaming their “bleh” on lack of partnership. Don’t get me wrong, having a human to walk through life with is great, and for some people, this is what they want most. But it’s important to recognize this as a want and not a requirement for your happiness. No other person should complete who YOU are. Before you decide you’re lonely, take some time to get to know yourself first.
We need to learn the difference between being lonely and being alone. Being alone is a healthy part of life; a time to process without distraction or influence, to let your mind and body work through stress and frustration. In today’s society it’s almost impossible to be fully alone with thousands of people at our fingertips. Because of this convenience we’re not focused on us anymore, instead we collect friends like baseball cards and define ourselves by the people we surround ourselves with. We’re conditioning our brains to need people, romantic or otherwise, and when you need someone, you miss out on the opportunity to want them. Most importantly though, if you don’t enjoy yourself and your company, then why should anyone else?
If you want healthy relationships in your life, then you need to be the first one. Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself as easily as you forgive those who deserve it so much less. Romance yourself; take yourself out, buy the lingerie because it makes YOU feel sexy, get a little handsy under the covers, whatever you crave from a relationship you won’t be able to enjoy if you don’t first teach yourself how. If your happiness is solely derived from the people around you then that isn’t your happiness, you’re simply borrowing it, and when they leave, they will take it with them, and you’re left empty and lonely. But that isn’t because you’re alone, it’s because you don’t realize what great company you are.
Always do the fun things, do anything that makes you excited. Don’t let not having someone to share it with stop you from enjoying you. When you make yourself happy, you attract happy people. If you’re happy doing something you love you will find people also happily doing those things. If you keep people around in an effort to avoid loneliness you will get stuck in a life surrounded by people yet completely alone. If you cannot first love yourself then you will never be able to teach people how to love you.